Back Off, Step-Mother!

I was 30 years old, and still the only one in my group of friends to be in a serious relationship. After just five months of dating Roberta, I did the unthinkable.

We were at her father and step-mother's house for Easter, and all day I could see her step-mother, Monica, who was not more than a couple years older than my girlfriend, giving me the eye. During dinner, she kicked at my feet under the table and winked at me. During the kids' Easter egg hunt, she licked her lips sexually full-well knowing I was looking in her direction. Late in the afternoon, she pulled me aside into a guest bedroom and slammed me up against the wall and made her move. She ripped my shirt wide open and said she'd been attracted to me from the moment I walked in. Awkward, right? I pushed her away and told her I couldn't do this because I was going to propose to Roberta that night.

Well that night, Monica, knowing all too well that I was lying, had an announcement before supper, telling the guests that I had a very special announcement to make. Uh-oh. What do I do now? Monica smirked, wondering how I'd get myself out of this one. I looked at Roberta, who was more puzzled than ever. What the hell, I thought. I went for it and got down on bended knee. "Roberta, will you marry me?" I asked, no ring anywhere to be found. Without a trace of a second thought, she leapt into my arms and began bawling. I think I heard a muffled "yes" in there somewhere.

So she never did get--or want--a ring. I am happy to say that my forced engagement proposal went perfectly, and we are still together nine happy years later. We don't speak to her step-mother anymore.